my masterpiece, v1.0

Inspired by the rain outside and the severe ankle jab I received on the subway from a golf umbrella this morning, I present to you my tips for proper umbrella use.

1. Hold the umbrella upright and tightly. The handle should be fairly perpendicular to the ground and centered on your body. This achieves maximum dryness for you and minimum water runoff onto other people. Of course, you may need to adjust for wind, but try to maintain a smart posture.
2. Do not text and hold an umbrella. Do not drink coffee and hold an umbrella. Do not hail a cab with your umbrella. Just use your umbrella to stay dry.
3. Close the umbrella before walking inside or down into the subway. If you don’t, you block the door and make it more difficult for others to pass. To close your umbrella properly, pull off to the side of the sidewalk (out of the way) and close as expediently as possible. Do not shake it out. Tie up your umbrella with whatever closure is attached to it or a rubber band if necessary. If you have a bag in which to place your umbrella, do so, and people will think you’re classy.
4. Avoid sudden movements. When you stop short or wheel around suddenly, several things happen: water flies, people get spoked, and you anger people (especially those without umbrellas). You already have this luxury of staying dry, so make a point to not indulge in this luxury at the expense of someone else.
5. Be conscious of the space your umbrella takes up. Open, leave enough space between you and others, even if it means slowing your pace to let others coexist comfortably. Closed, your new walking stick or swing-around-item can still very much get in the way, so hold it steady and pointed, again, downward so that it is perpendicular to the floor. If it is dripping and must drip on someone, deal with it dripping on you rather than letting the stranger next to you suffer. It was your choice to use an umbrella; this is one of the consequences.
6. Rain or no rain, do not walk on the sidewalk next to your entire group. In the rain, be especially conscious not to walk next to more than one person maximum, because it is even harder for people to pass. Plus, there are often puddles that everyone tries to avoid, and if your group is spanning the entire sidewalk, nobody can appropriately handle that obstacle.
7. If it is incredibly windy and rainy, forgo the umbrella. Get a little wet. Or, stay inside. Too many people fight with their umbrellas, and as a result, foot traffic blockages and flying umbrella parts are ubiquitous. This is an unpopular opinion, but the correct one, I think.
8. A broken umbrella has no place in a city. It is sharp and dangerous. Dispose of it immediately and buy a new one which thankfully, you can do that in a city.
9. If you do realize that you’ve committed an umbrella sin, and it’s possible to apologize to the person(s) impacted, do so.
10. Etiquette begins from the moment of purchase. Do not buy an umbrella that is bigger than you. It’s fine to pick between tall ones or the tiny collapsible ones (preferable), but it should be the right size for one and only one body. No golf umbrellas, or anything even close. Sharing an umbrella makes both people wet anyway, so if chivalry is important to you, carry two umbrellas or just give yours up. Also, try to get an umbrella that looks somewhat stable. It doesn’t have to be top of line, because you’ll leave it somewhere on accident still, but it shouldn’t break in the first 15 minutes of use either.
11. Drop the attitude. It’s never positive to walk by people who are grumpy anyway, but if you have an umbrella and you’re angry, your umbrella shows it. It droops, it assaults, it gets all bent of shape. You forget the rules and don’t even apologize when you’ve made a mistake and bothered a fellow pedestrian. Not good. Figure out a way to enjoy the rain, at least temporarily, and move on.

Emily Post, as always, I hope I’ve done you proud. Village Voice, I like your thoughts on the subject, too. Readers, please know that I seldom use an umbrella, despite being a glasses wearer.

Think I missed something? Leave your tips as a comment.

Take a bite out of life’s mysteries and dine in the dark. Surprise yourself with tastes, textures, smells, and seasonings of food you’ve never noticed before. Dans Le Noir provides not only a novel experience but also possesses depth to rival the darkest oceans. Servers are visually impaired and profits benefit worthy causes like The Vision Charity.

The blind lead the blind-folded in a sensory exploration that sheds light on another way of existing. Test and learn to trust your senses and those of your guide. You may be seated with strangers (although not separated from your party), you may be unsure if you’re eating delicious duck or succulent chicken, and while your eyes may not adjust, your “blind tasting” menu will be revealed after the meal.

This sounds like an amazing experience if you’re a bit adventurous. I was wary as a vegetarian, but read that they take all food allergies and preferences as a strict directive before forming your menu. There’s a deal today for the NYC branch, and you can read more about the concept and business model on their website.

According to Graham Walker, coauthor of The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide, here’s how to win:

1. Play paper first. Rookies tend to lead with rock, so paper is the safest opener. If you win, claim victory; if not, start the next throw right away, because of course it’s two out of three.

2. Exploit copycats. Casual players often switch to the object that just beat them. You can encourage them to do this by shouting, “Paper wins!” when you defeat their rock. Then throw scissors on the next round.

3. Watch for doubles. People rarely throw the same hand three times in a row; if they play scissors twice, your next move is paper. Also, keep up the pace so they have less time to think and instead fall into patterns.

(via the monthly LifeLabs email)

When a friend requested that I pick up subway maps, for his friend who is soon to be married, I was intrigued. I love anything with a DIY touch, and Shelly Huang’s idea for her wedding makes me smile. I talked with her to learn more:

********************

Jen Bokoff: Your idea of making 1000 paper cranes out of NYC Subway maps for wedding decorations is amazing. Where did it come from?

Shelly Huang: Our wedding theme is “Rustic City Love”, combining natural rustic elements that represents our laid-back style with our love for NYC, the wonderful city we fell in love in and now call home. The idea of 1000 paper cranes is a Japanese tradition that grants the bride & groom 1000 years of happiness, much like the cranes who mate for life and are said to live for 1000 years. I’ve always been deeply moved by this tradition and wanted to incorporate it into my wedding but for the longest time, I couldn’t find the linkage to the “city” part of the theme. Then one day I was riding the F train when I noticed a group of Japanese tourists intently studying a subway map. That’s when it hit me -  I would combine my wishes for my marriage along with my love for NYC in these subway map cranes!

JB: Are you going to make all 1000 cranes, or will you have help? And will they all look the same?

SH: Many of our family and friends have already offered to help collect maps and fold cranes! I’m so excited because it would be such a dream to be married under a canopy of cranes embodying the blessings and wishes of all your loved ones! We’re going to hold a paper crane folding party at one point with white wine and funny wedding movies. We’ll probably have to give people tutorials, but I’m not really interested in getting “perfect-looking” cranes so much as cranes folded with love.

JB: What will you do with all of the cranes after the wedding?

SH: That’s a good question! I really hadn’t thought that far, but maybe I’ll pass on the blessings and wishes to another bride. Or maybe the MTA might be interested in getting their subway maps back and would like to display these in the MTA museum! I guess I’ll cross that bridge after the wedding.

JB: Being a crafty bride is wonderfully ambitious! Do you regularly delve into creative projects?

SH: Both my mother and grandmother were very crafty ladies.  My grandma custom designed outfits for my barbies and my mother used to make me funky outfits with matching scrunchies and because of them, I’ve inherited a penchant for tinkering with DIY projects here and there. I’ve made many Halloween outfits, and I recently created a “will you be my bridesmaid” project with a hollowed out secret book filled with photos, color inspiration from paint chips, and paper dolls with the bridesmaids’ names on them.

JB: A little birdie told me you need some help. What can New Yorkers do to help see your wedding dream come to fruition?

SH: Well, my fiance told me to ask for donations so we can see our (not-so-cheap) NYC wedding come to fruition! But seriously, I think it would be amazing if people wanted to contribute to the cause of collecting subway maps, or even if you want to fold your wishes into subway map cranes and send them over! Also, if any crafty brides want to bounce off ideas, I’m always excited to make new friends!

********************

If you live in the NYC area and can help contribute maps, or if you want to connect with Shelly, shoot her an email. Shelly will marry Brian Blitz on June 22, 2013 at The Foundry in Long Island City.

Everything about this incredible mapping tool made by Brooklyn Brainery co-founder Soma makes me happy. It drives me crazy when people think, for instance, that the Upper West Side is just too far to visit me in Prospect Heights, or that Long Island City is really inaccessible. New York City is one of the best cities in the world for countless reasons, and one really is that it’s quite walkable and has public transit that gets you everywhere. Soma’s map shows everything in a 15 minute, 30 minute, 40 minute, etc radius of a given location. Have a look.

Telling Tales With a Tear and a Smile, New York Times, featuring my storytelling teacher Adam Wade, who is a Moth champion with unconditional love for all of his students and the art of storytelling. It’s incredible what power a good story can have on the audience and on the orator.

The Make-Your-Own Schoolhouse, New York Times, featuring the Brooklyn Brainery, a skill-sharing adult learning center for anything and everything, where I have had the pleasure of both taking and teaching courses. This model is going to spread, and the Brainery is on the forefront.

Nobody Goes It Alone, Huffington Post, written by Kirsten Lodal, a friend and mentor who is the Executive Director for LIFT, a nonprofit that I have been involved with since 2004. If you’re looking for a “wisdom” quote to inspire you and share with others, check out the last paragraph. Brilliant.