my masterpiece, v1.0

Inspired by the rain outside and the severe ankle jab I received on the subway from a golf umbrella this morning, I present to you my tips for proper umbrella use.

1. Hold the umbrella upright and tightly. The handle should be fairly perpendicular to the ground and centered on your body. This achieves maximum dryness for you and minimum water runoff onto other people. Of course, you may need to adjust for wind, but try to maintain a smart posture.
2. Do not text and hold an umbrella. Do not drink coffee and hold an umbrella. Do not hail a cab with your umbrella. Just use your umbrella to stay dry.
3. Close the umbrella before walking inside or down into the subway. If you don’t, you block the door and make it more difficult for others to pass. To close your umbrella properly, pull off to the side of the sidewalk (out of the way) and close as expediently as possible. Do not shake it out. Tie up your umbrella with whatever closure is attached to it or a rubber band if necessary. If you have a bag in which to place your umbrella, do so, and people will think you’re classy.
4. Avoid sudden movements. When you stop short or wheel around suddenly, several things happen: water flies, people get spoked, and you anger people (especially those without umbrellas). You already have this luxury of staying dry, so make a point to not indulge in this luxury at the expense of someone else.
5. Be conscious of the space your umbrella takes up. Open, leave enough space between you and others, even if it means slowing your pace to let others coexist comfortably. Closed, your new walking stick or swing-around-item can still very much get in the way, so hold it steady and pointed, again, downward so that it is perpendicular to the floor. If it is dripping and must drip on someone, deal with it dripping on you rather than letting the stranger next to you suffer. It was your choice to use an umbrella; this is one of the consequences.
6. Rain or no rain, do not walk on the sidewalk next to your entire group. In the rain, be especially conscious not to walk next to more than one person maximum, because it is even harder for people to pass. Plus, there are often puddles that everyone tries to avoid, and if your group is spanning the entire sidewalk, nobody can appropriately handle that obstacle.
7. If it is incredibly windy and rainy, forgo the umbrella. Get a little wet. Or, stay inside. Too many people fight with their umbrellas, and as a result, foot traffic blockages and flying umbrella parts are ubiquitous. This is an unpopular opinion, but the correct one, I think.
8. A broken umbrella has no place in a city. It is sharp and dangerous. Dispose of it immediately and buy a new one which thankfully, you can do that in a city.
9. If you do realize that you’ve committed an umbrella sin, and it’s possible to apologize to the person(s) impacted, do so.
10. Etiquette begins from the moment of purchase. Do not buy an umbrella that is bigger than you. It’s fine to pick between tall ones or the tiny collapsible ones (preferable), but it should be the right size for one and only one body. No golf umbrellas, or anything even close. Sharing an umbrella makes both people wet anyway, so if chivalry is important to you, carry two umbrellas or just give yours up. Also, try to get an umbrella that looks somewhat stable. It doesn’t have to be top of line, because you’ll leave it somewhere on accident still, but it shouldn’t break in the first 15 minutes of use either.
11. Drop the attitude. It’s never positive to walk by people who are grumpy anyway, but if you have an umbrella and you’re angry, your umbrella shows it. It droops, it assaults, it gets all bent of shape. You forget the rules and don’t even apologize when you’ve made a mistake and bothered a fellow pedestrian. Not good. Figure out a way to enjoy the rain, at least temporarily, and move on.

Emily Post, as always, I hope I’ve done you proud. Village Voice, I like your thoughts on the subject, too. Readers, please know that I seldom use an umbrella, despite being a glasses wearer.

Think I missed something? Leave your tips as a comment.

I met Liz Haag through the improv comedy world, and now know her to be a woman of many talents, including lipstick reading. I interviewed her about this unique skill to learn more:

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Jen Bokoff: I’ve heard of lip reading (tough enough!), but how does one become a lipstick reader?

Liz Haag: It’s a good question. When I was just out of college and studying acting, I got a job hand painting temporary tattoos and henna tattoos at parties, like kids at Bar Mitzvahs and stuff. It was a great job. I loved to draw, got to go to fun events, and meet interesting people every weekend. My boss told me that she liked me and would hire me more if I could learn to do the psychic stuff, like lipstick reading, palm reading, and hand writing analysis. So, I learned. I studied a bit on my own, and they trained me some more. It turned out I had a real knack and intuition for lipstick reading that really caught on with clients.

JB: What are some traits or circumstances you can discover about a person through their lipstick?

LH: Lipstick Reading is derived from the ancient art of Chinese Face Reading. The lips only tell part of the story but it tends to be a juicy part. That’s why it’s so great for parties. 

JB: At the risk of exposing myself too much, I put my lipstick print on paper (see left). I tried multiple times to “get it right”, and realized that each try looks very different. Do you have a suggested technique for getting the perfect print? 

LH: People usually want to “kiss” the page. But I usually tell them not to pucker. Actually, it helps if they stay still and I blot the paper on their lips for them. And don’t worry about exposing too much. I always keep it light. No one wants bad news at a bachelorette party. 

JB: Interesting! Can you give me a teaser about what we can learn about me from my lipstick? 

LH: Let’s see. First of all, right off the bat it’s clear you’re talkative. This is usually one of the first things I can tell about a person based on their lips. It also says you’re a bit sensitive, but can be tough too. You’re very excitable, you like to try new things, and have a need to express yourself. How’d I do? [Editor’s Note: WOW! Yes. That’s me!]

JB: What is one of the more memorable lipsticks you’ve read? 

LH: There was a woman whose reading said she was intuitive and very giving. She dragged her husband over to have me tell him, so she could prove he was wrong about an argument they had earlier that day. It was a little intense.

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Liz is available for hire for parties through her company Bash Party Entertainment for lipreading and other event services. Start off the process with a complementary consultation today. I honestly can’t think of a more uniquely fun twist to a party!

According to Graham Walker, coauthor of The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide, here’s how to win:

1. Play paper first. Rookies tend to lead with rock, so paper is the safest opener. If you win, claim victory; if not, start the next throw right away, because of course it’s two out of three.

2. Exploit copycats. Casual players often switch to the object that just beat them. You can encourage them to do this by shouting, “Paper wins!” when you defeat their rock. Then throw scissors on the next round.

3. Watch for doubles. People rarely throw the same hand three times in a row; if they play scissors twice, your next move is paper. Also, keep up the pace so they have less time to think and instead fall into patterns.

(via the monthly LifeLabs email)

When a friend requested that I pick up subway maps, for his friend who is soon to be married, I was intrigued. I love anything with a DIY touch, and Shelly Huang’s idea for her wedding makes me smile. I talked with her to learn more:

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Jen Bokoff: Your idea of making 1000 paper cranes out of NYC Subway maps for wedding decorations is amazing. Where did it come from?

Shelly Huang: Our wedding theme is “Rustic City Love”, combining natural rustic elements that represents our laid-back style with our love for NYC, the wonderful city we fell in love in and now call home. The idea of 1000 paper cranes is a Japanese tradition that grants the bride & groom 1000 years of happiness, much like the cranes who mate for life and are said to live for 1000 years. I’ve always been deeply moved by this tradition and wanted to incorporate it into my wedding but for the longest time, I couldn’t find the linkage to the “city” part of the theme. Then one day I was riding the F train when I noticed a group of Japanese tourists intently studying a subway map. That’s when it hit me -  I would combine my wishes for my marriage along with my love for NYC in these subway map cranes!

JB: Are you going to make all 1000 cranes, or will you have help? And will they all look the same?

SH: Many of our family and friends have already offered to help collect maps and fold cranes! I’m so excited because it would be such a dream to be married under a canopy of cranes embodying the blessings and wishes of all your loved ones! We’re going to hold a paper crane folding party at one point with white wine and funny wedding movies. We’ll probably have to give people tutorials, but I’m not really interested in getting “perfect-looking” cranes so much as cranes folded with love.

JB: What will you do with all of the cranes after the wedding?

SH: That’s a good question! I really hadn’t thought that far, but maybe I’ll pass on the blessings and wishes to another bride. Or maybe the MTA might be interested in getting their subway maps back and would like to display these in the MTA museum! I guess I’ll cross that bridge after the wedding.

JB: Being a crafty bride is wonderfully ambitious! Do you regularly delve into creative projects?

SH: Both my mother and grandmother were very crafty ladies.  My grandma custom designed outfits for my barbies and my mother used to make me funky outfits with matching scrunchies and because of them, I’ve inherited a penchant for tinkering with DIY projects here and there. I’ve made many Halloween outfits, and I recently created a “will you be my bridesmaid” project with a hollowed out secret book filled with photos, color inspiration from paint chips, and paper dolls with the bridesmaids’ names on them.

JB: A little birdie told me you need some help. What can New Yorkers do to help see your wedding dream come to fruition?

SH: Well, my fiance told me to ask for donations so we can see our (not-so-cheap) NYC wedding come to fruition! But seriously, I think it would be amazing if people wanted to contribute to the cause of collecting subway maps, or even if you want to fold your wishes into subway map cranes and send them over! Also, if any crafty brides want to bounce off ideas, I’m always excited to make new friends!

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If you live in the NYC area and can help contribute maps, or if you want to connect with Shelly, shoot her an email. Shelly will marry Brian Blitz on June 22, 2013 at The Foundry in Long Island City.

Rabbit rabbit and happy April Fools’ Day. In the spirit of jokes and fun, I share with defeat and enjoyment a prank that I fell for that lasted more than two months.

I worked in a cubicle crowded with case files, a collage of NY Post headlines, hoarded office supplies, a pink Disney princess clock won at the Bowery Poetry Club’s Drag queen Bingo, a nameplate reading Tobias Funke, the Internal Revenue Code from 2008, 2009, and 2010, my artful rubber band ball, travel scrabble, a whoopee cushion sound-imitator, 3 footlong pens, rejected holiday party invitations that didn’t meet regulations, and a WANTED sign for a stolen nerf football. As a paralegal specialist for IRS Office of Chief Counsel, I cared about efficiently getting all of my work done so that fun could be had at lunchtime and I could leave on the dot when my tour of duty reached its end. Needless to say, distraction was not welcome when there were tax problems to be solved.

The IRS Office of Chief Counsel was no different than any other work environment at least in one way: we had IT employees who could remote in to any computer. It was helpful on occasion and creepy at all times, because it felt like Big Brother was always watching, though maybe not for a reason. You would know that they were signed on because a small icon would appear in the lower right corner of the screen near the time, the screen would flicker ever so slightly, and the mouse would jerk just a little bit in one direction. 

I started to experience the mouse-jerk phenomenon without seeing the icon on the bottom of the screen, and I was thoroughly creeped out. It was possible I was just seeing things, but I grew increasingly paranoid that people were watching me from afar. Just like that, someone would know the typos I was making, the occasional Dictionary.com search, and the dumb emails shooting back and forth in a tangled web with nearby cubicles. It didn’t really threaten me - I wasn’t doing anything to be worried about - but it made me anxious. I even asked one of the IT people if it was possible for someone to sign into my computer without seeing the icon on the bottom of the screen, and they said no without even a twinkle in their eye. This meant they were doing it stealthily! I had to get to the bottom of this.

But I couldn’t. Nothing was adding up, and it wasn’t impacting my work too much other than distracting me for a minute and putting me more on edge. Typical for a worker in that office; no big deal. Whining and floating this by coworkers yielded only nonchalant shrugs and accusations of going crazy.

Folks, more than 2 months later, it was revealed to me by giggling coworkers in the neighboring attorney’s office that I had fallen victim to one of the oldest (circa 2003) tricks in the book: A wireless mouse was being controlled sporadically from less than 10 feet away. I was successfully pranked.

[Note: I wrote the below article for WECREATE NYC. They’re a super cool bunch of innovators interested in generating lasting economy and social change. Enjoy and share!]

By Jen Bokoff, a Brooklyn-based non-profit professional dedicated to facilitating discussions around philanthropy, sociology, and DIY ideas.

New York is inarguably a fast-paced city. From the way we walk to the embarassing dating websites for overworked professionals, a true “New Yorker” races around and multitasks like no suburbanite could ever imagine. We are a culture of conviction, of action, and of planning, where taking time to respond in a conversation could mean a missed opportunity to attend a meeting at the United Nations or  the next girls night out. We keep moving and processing information rapidly because, well, we have to survive in this city.

When we operate quickly – whether in the workplace or our personal lives – there’s a lot to be gained. We are often efficient and can pack more in; we don’t waste time on items of insignificance or exhaust ourselves through repeated action. We make decisions without agonizing for long, thus we see quicker results.

Well, let’s dig deeper: An email comes in from a coworker asking for approval to go ahead on executing a project involving multiple parties, substantial budgetary resources, and time. It’s been on the table for months, but now, here it is, in your inbox, asking, quite simply, yes or no. Do you reply then and there?

Our intuitive nature could lead us to automatically reply, without hesitation, “Yes.” Sure, brevity and speed have clear value; however, thoughtful consideration does too, and when we act too quickly, consequences are at stake. For example, it’s tougher to observe much deeper than surface level through quick processing, and in doing so, we lose an appreciation for detail and nuances. Quickly replying “yes” may just speed up an inevitable decision, but it could also shield us from the correct one. In doing so, we don’t open ourselves as much to be creative or experiment with new ideas because we act according to what we know since it’s innate. With a loss of creativity and openness to new ideas comes the stifling of innovation, and then, what are we rushing towards?

Let’s explore this question: Societal pressure tells us to do things quickly, but there is often counter-productive pressure of doing a job correctly, to do it well. In the above example, you, the decision-maker, need a clean slate on the facts. In a quick email scan, even when you think you “read” it all, you haven’t. It’s like those reading puzzles where the letters are all jumbled but you can read it anyway because you know what it SHOULD say. We read what we want to read, and then we respond how we want to respond; by nature, we’re in our own head.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, t he olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rgh it pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on

But you have to get out of it, however long it takes, because you WILL make mistakes. Giving a decision, like an email, that extra bit of time for thought or inquiry will strengthen your ability to do your job thoroughly in a way that garners respect and understanding.

Same rules should apply to a company, be it corporate or startup, where a few things remain the same: there exists a hierarchy of decision-makers, decisions to be made, emails to blast, and hopefully a communications point person. However, nowhere is it mandated that an employer must identify the ‘norms’ for communications and flow. Since those guidelines are not clearly set, everyone develops their own sense of pace: a secretary knows that speed with turning around typed materials and mailings is key; an account manager prioritizes calls with clients over conversations with coworkers; an executive assistant does what is necessary to best accommodate the wishes of that particular executive; a comptroller cares most about the bottom line and maintenance of records. In short, priorities are different, and people work in a way that best accommodates that priority as they see fit.

Here’s a solution: The communications person and/or the head honchos need to step up priorities and communication flows with their employees. Some key concerns: What are the actual turnaround times necessary, and what’s to be gained and lost with respect to thoroughness and detail in different scenarios? Who needs to be looped in or out of meetings? Should the standard time to reply to an email be 24 or 48 hours, or can it sit as long as it wants? Is it ok for messages to come from a phone while on the go, and if so, is a more casual tone allowed? Can conversations happen completely remotely, or should time be made in person or via Skype? How do all of these answers affect the company’s culture internally and brand externally?

YES, we want companies to operate quickly; but it’s wrong for productivity to suffer because our fast-paced world told us to hit send. Let’s change that.

This piece is part of a thought-curated series on innovation and collaboration in New York City written by a community of visionaries who are interested in generating lasting economy and social change.

I posted this to my Facebook wall last week and received many concurrent responses:

It really bothers me when people who don’t understand an idea or issue jump to “no” instead of asking the right questions to make informed decisions. Shutting down thoughtful ideas and not trying to understand the root of an issue is entirely counterproductive.

I’ve been seeing this happen more and more. I’ve done it, you’ve done it, people everywhere do it. We say no because it’s easier; we don’t have to change our thought process or challenge our understanding of anything. But, saying no stifles creativity, inhibits trust, breeds negativity, and closes doors.

In improv, one of the key principles is to say yes and then contribute something else*. You don’t have to necessarily agree with the information or question posited to you, but it’s essential to recognize it as valid. You can ask questions to flesh it out more or mold the idea into version 2.0. Again, improv translates to ‘real life’; this is a technique we could all try to integrate more into our daily communications to be better both at work and in our personal lives.

If you take on the challenge of accepting and exploring the unknown, do share how it goes!

*For a really great explanation of yes and, check out this excerpt from Tina Fey’s book Bossypants.

I wholeheartedly approve of this bar/restaurant game described in Kempt:

It works like this: as you arrive, each person places their phone facedown in the center of the table. (If you’re feeling theatrical, you can go for a stack like this one, but it’s not required.) As the meal goes on, you’ll hear various texts and emails arriving… and you’ll do absolutely nothing. You’ll face temptation—maybe even a few involuntary reaches toward the middle of the table—but you’ll be bound by the single, all-important rule of the phone stack.

Whoever picks up their phone is footing the bill.

It’s a brilliant piece of social engineering, masquerading as a bar game. It takes the phone out of the pocket—where you can sneak a glance and hope nobody notices—and places it in the center of attention at all times. Suddenly, picking up your phone is the big deal you always secretly knew it was. And more importantly, it comes with consequences.

But if, after the third ring, you decide your call is more important than your lunch tab, we’re sure your friends won’t object.

I’m as addicted to the screen as many of us, but I also feel strongly that technology will never replace face-to-face communication. When you are fortunate enough to be in a situation where you are breaking bread with friends, you should not be worried about something that can almost certainly wait an hour until you are finished. I do love games, too, and this has clear purpose, consequences, teamwork, competition, and of course obstacles. Now the tough part: getting people to agree to play.

Tis the time of year for sitting around and enjoying one another’s company, but sometimes, conversation gets old. Here’s a little game to liven things up a bit!

This game is best described as Pictionary meets Telephone. No materials needed besides some fun friends/family (4+ people), some letter sized blank paper, and a writing utensil for each person.

Sit in a circle. Each person writes a sentence on the top of the page. It can be silly or serious. Try to write small (but legibly!) so that there’s a lot more room on the page. No peaking though!

When everyone is set, pass the sheet of paper to the person to your left. This person will illustrate, with drawing and no words, the sentence you wrote to the best of their ability. Again, try to keep it small but clear to continue to leave room on the page. They will then fold over your text so that all that is seen on the page is the illustration. Everyone again passes the sheet of paper in their possession to their left.

Now, everyone will write a caption describing the picture that is passed to them. They then fold over the picture and pass it along to the next person, who will illustrate. And so on… you get it.

The game is over when you want it to be over, but I usually suggest going about 8-10 passes, which usually fills up the front and back of one paper. After you’d like the round to be over, the papers are unfolded and hilarity ensues as the complete transcripts are shared with everyone.

I played this last year with family and it was really fun. There’s an online version, too, with a silly name and weird interface but overall maintenance of the idea here. However, as I generally feel about games, this is infinitely more fun when shared with people that you know and enjoy laughing with.

Enjoy! And do let me know if you come up with a good name for the game, because I would like one.

It hasn’t been a year in the awesome book, that’s for sure. But, I derive a lot of motivation and excitement from some of the neat stuff that my friends are working on. Some of the more linkable of these are shared below; know that there are many, many more and I am simply horrible at all-encompassing lists. Perhaps I’ll even make this a recurring blog post, because there are way more friends doing way more neat things.

Health Horizons International - a nonprofit organization focused on improving primary health care and building education and capacity for improved community health in the Dominican Republic. (Laura full time and Sarah this summer)

Running - benefits the self, kids (Liz), Tufts (Rachel), and a slew of other nonprofits (the rest of my running friends)

Practicing positivity through Intensati - Yelling positive affirmations while doing high powered cardio? Yes please! (Natalia)

Fouta Lifestyle - Pauline started this business selling Tunisian foutas, and it’s truly an amazing product. Plus, her connection to the product combined with business savvy will certainly lead to more success.

Making people laugh through intelligent wit - Too many to name here, but it includes lots of my super duper awesome twitter and IRL friends and comedy friends, who are a breed of their own. Laughing is one of the most important things known to man. [Editor’s note, should have said that here.]

Singing - If you have a voice that should be used for more than just singing in the shower, people want to hear it! Thanks for sharing it and continuing your passions, Carrie!

Loving their jobs or finding things to love about them - Not linkable, but worth mentioning, because this is always really great. (Valerie, Leah, Dave, Liz, William, Mike, Andy, and more)

Controlling rainwater - Forget mother nature, we have Alex. He works on computer systems that are positively impacting our communities.

Making art - So so so creative. Any DIY thing is smart ‘in this economy’. (Lindsay and Jared)

More to come in another installment at some point! But thank you, friends, for being inspiring and wonderful.